I was at the beach not long ago, and I wrote my name in the sand. Then I proceeded to write other things that were on my mind, until I heard a voice behind me and I quickly erased it. Then this thought came to me and I just knew I had to write a post about it – even if it wouldn’t be interesting.

At the beach, the moment I erased my words and thoughts which I poured out to the ocean by a few strokes of my finger, I realised how easy it was.

I like the ocean, the beach, the sand, because everything you leave there will someday get washed away to the other corners of the earth (or maybe disappear) and you get to leave them behind. Unlike life, where everything you do, the choices you make, the people you meet, the weather, the food (food?) causes a ripple effect and sometimes, you never get to change it back to the way it was before.

It’s been a year or two, and there’s this choice I made, which I was pretty sure against God’s will (because I told Him I’d accept whatever He gives me, but out of greed and loneliness I chose to take the other road) and I’ve been suffering with the effects ever since.

I don’t talk about it (it’s something pretty vague, I mean, who doesn’t have vague thoughts and choices in life?) but sometimes I look back and remember that important choice and I think, maybe things would have been better if I didn’t rebel against God.

I’m wondering if I should make a choice to turn things the other way round (or not) and what deters me from doing so, is the negative effects that have a risk of following behind, if that choice happens to be wrong.

People say choices make you, but I’m constantly torn between the choice and the risk of making things right or making it worse.

This is not sand; this is life. Does this stay, irreversible? 

jovita, 15/9/2015

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